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It’s the perfectionist in me, I think. I get into a routine in my life, my morning whatevers, and I feel comfortable being there. Be it the prayers, meditations, shower, walking my dog, or my morning journal. . . they are set routines. I love them. They start my day off the way I like it.
The interesting thing is that my routines are all mine. No one else has them like mine or the same time. So when someone else enters my space during those set times, there is un-easiness. I do accommodate, I do bend, to please. Yet, that disruption is like a blocking of a wave. It’s like someone put a board up in front of a moving wave. BANG! Done!
If in fact I wish to be a part of society, I need to bend. I accept that. The degree that I bend fluxuates determined by how much away from my routine I need to go. Then, the amount that is needed to get back to my routine is another variable. Best to say, I need to locate the switch that returns me to my comfort zone – my routine. Is that not what life is all about? It’s about how well we adapt to our bending from our norm.
There are degrees here that I just figured out. I enjoy change, on the most part. I thrive on new ideas and ways to improve. Yes, I am different. If that is so, why do I feel un-easy when change appears? It’s the “moving my cheese” concept. Give me my routine, then do what you want with me. I’m all over it. I just need my routine so I can calmly reason, look at all angles, then charge ahead. It is definitely a comfort zone/routine issue. So, it is a timing issue? Yes. Absolutely.
What would minimize this discomfort? Not going into my routine timing, I guess. I think that I set this schedule up automatically. I don’t book appointments usually before 9:00. Then all my personal stuff gets done, even my journal. Emails? Probably not. They need to be ever so lightly screened no matter what. I’ve been caught miles away at an appointment more than once that was cancelled in an email. This formula works, it has for years.
What if someone walks into my routine? What if that is the only time they can meet?
What have you done to minimize the chaos in your life? What system do you use to allow you to bounce back to be your true self? What can you do to employ that system? What then is “Plan B”?
December 6, 2018
This is probably the most important of all aspects of success, purpose, and life. How we feel about ourselves first, then our relationships in our own world, then how we wish to be felt in the world, determines absolutely who and what we are. The amazing thing is that the control of it is totally ours. Of all the things in life we CAN’’T control, this is ours alone to control.
Consider how empowering this is. The weather, the thoughts of those you meet, the politics, the evolution of mankind, the color of our hair, all these are out of our control. Truly having real control of something is a huge value.
Knowing that, what do we do with that control? Since it really is our strongest asset, what do we do to use it to the fullest? Do we let others change it? When we realize our body-mind set is ours alone, they truly can’t change it without our permission. We need to give people permission to change our body-mind set.
Why would we do that? Why would we give away our only real control? Why?
We do it every day. An unkind word is spoken. We FEEL hurt, betrayed, guilty, abused . . . note FEEL. That is our body-mind set. How we interpret what is done to us (based on past experiences and probably false beliefs), determines our body-mind set. We CHOOSE. Thus, we can change it. We can destroy our interpretation, create another one, and realize that “others think of me in none of my business”.
Who are you giving permission to? Why? The body-mind set is yours alone. Keep it, nurture it, and by the way your self-image has crafted it. Time to realize the beauty and wonder of that self.
As I morph through life, like a powerful stream, winding here and there, adjusting as I go, various realities come to me. They are like flotsam on my stream. I do not engulf them, nor do I abuse them. They are insights.
There are truly two states of mind that occur to me. Either I am in a social/professional image mode, or I am by myself, impressing no one. The key words here are “states of mind”. Mindset. . . and as Deepak Chopra says “body-mind set”, because both are one.
These mindsets are triggered by my past and experiences that have brought me either pain or pleasure. From those experiences, I have shaped my presence. I have found what works and what does not. I know that the criteria around the experience may not be consistent each time it happens. Many things might alter the next outcome (time of day, mindset of others, my new presence at that moment, etc.). Yet, I tend to ignore that as I use them as “realities”.
I have found that as a woman, my mind experiences so many action items every second, that it is amazing I can even walk or chew. I am constantly firing lists of things to accomplish, people to call. I call that chatter. Chatter has its good and bad points. I often solve challenges by chatter. My recreational thinking around the chatter, however, tends to run my thoughts further and further into a direction that has no validity. So, I could easily paint myself in a corner. Ever do that?
The beauty and wonder of being conscious, of being in the present, intrigues me. That means “0” chatter! Can it be done? To listen, to smell, to become aware of all my senses – in the NOW, can it? It is freeing. It totally allows a nakedness that is rich. It opens my mind to what others are saying and doing. It allows me to discard the airs, invite the real me to come to the front.
It also invites new energies. It is a playful mode without cumbersome anything. It holds no responsibility. I want to be there.
The internal litmus paper that judges my life’s accomplishments, fades in and out of color. From subtle to mauve to brilliance, I grow and evolve. Try as I may, I find it difficult to see the hues. Much of what I do feel is geared by the people around me. As I attempt to think my moods, and my mindsets are mine alone, they are not.
I am an independent soul, influenced by what effects I can make upon the lives around me. The independence part is my attempt to believe I have created all that I do alone. I know better. True, my actions are independent in nature, yet are influenced by those in my world.
My inner peace is determined by my external actions. Once the reality of my talents is known, and I can see their usefulness, I can then move toward placing them in places to be appreciated. Actually making my talents useful, causes inner fulfillment, thus peace.
My own inner peace is the loud speaker for influencing the peace of others. As I reflect my fulfillment, I exude a sense of accomplishment, of acceptance, of purpose. This aura is truly an energy from within that lights my presence in my world. No matter how others try to ignore my light, they cannot. Can you “un-see” a light?
Peace is an inside job. Once we all realize that our own inner fulfillment of what we have accomplished is the spark for the same in others, there will be peace.
November 1, 2018
It occurred to me that since our lives are truly one large vibration at a time, I need to take advantage of this fact. I need to notice, to actually study the vibrations from those with whom I meet. This astute reality was at the tail end of my cause to be “in the moment”.
One of my pet challenges is not to let my mind do recreational thinking. Better defined, it’s when I am light years away from a conversation, or even writing, and I’m creating something else in my mind. As I do the “to do” list in my mind, the individual, the event that I am in front of or with, is minimized. My full attention is not there. Whomever is not respected. Only part of me is present.
This degrading habit must stop!
It then came to me that every part of my existence (even in-animate objects) have vibrations. There are sound waves, emotional waves, light waves, emanating from everything around us. I might not see or feel them. And, I am also giving off vibrations as well. My voice, my mere presence, all give off vibrations. Since what I give off bounces off whatever is in my path, it also returns back to me.
The bouncing is then received by what is in the way. It is positive or negative by several standards. The first is mine. I sent it out with a certain definition. It might in fact not be received as that by others. My vibration is my unique signature. How it is received really cannot be controlled, because that is an individual matter. I can control how I receive my own signal back. Truly that is the only thing I can do.
The other standard is that of whomever receives my vibration. I have absolutely no control over that. All I can do is send out the most positive energy I can, in hopes that whomever receives it receives it in an amazing way.
Realizing that all about me is completely neutral, and that I am the governing force of how I receive my environment, I now craft my life to be more attentive and positive, more in observance of others. Though I cannot control their responses, all I shall do is make my energy path me.
Clarity comes when I pay attention. My personal perspective is that miracles are God sent. Call that being what you might, call it the Universe thing (if that feels better). And, they are present all the time, I merely fail to recognize them.
Most days I start with my chants/manifestations including “I bring clarity to my path and celebration to my heart”. Realize the “I” there. When I envision my schedule for the day, I think, “Now what would a miracle look like in that schedule?”. If I’m to have a meeting with someone, I envision wonderful connections, or great brainstorming that brings them “ah has”. That to me is a miracle. My life is simple. ?
So really it is envisioning. Envisioning manifests things. Pre-setting the scene, like thinking of the route to a meeting before you leave, programs the day. Does it always work? When you are driving, I sure hope so. When it’s a day thing, possibly not. However, the fact that I envisioned it and put it into the possibilities, I think makes a difference.
There are also times, like yesterday, when I truly did not even think about the miracle that happened. It appeared. I guess at some level I did envision it. I was working out at the Y, as I do 3 times a week. I saw someone new (only 3 of us in the room). He was African American, and from his features appeared West African. I know that nose and broader face. I am always attracted to Africans since my 2 years in Liberia.
As I finished my workout, I passed by him. We exchanged glances and smiled. He asked if I worked out often, I replied “3 times a week”. He was surprised; he had not seen me. It only took a few words from him for me to know he was from Africa. So, I said “What country are you from?”. He gave a sheepish smile and said “Zambia”. Score!
From there began the beauty and wonder of my collaboration expertise. By the time I had walked out, we had exchanged cards, I had plans to assist in his programs in Zambia, and my “global reach” had once again created another miracle. Did I manifest the miracle? No. Was I attuned to the type of people I wish to meet? YES!
What can you program into your life?
Guess that truly is the topic of my life. Looking at that from every angle, it truly is. I have eternal faith in people, no matter who they are or where they’re from. God has blessed me with this. I think it’s a blessing. It is also a characteristic of my age bracket. We were taught that. Yet, today my culture has begun to bombard me with another new reality. I see it literally daily.
It is no longer a life based on eternal faith. It is protective, defensive, and unaccepting. I do not like it. Few things I blatantly do not like. This slowly creeping shadow I do not like. Each day my eternal faith in mankind is being undermined. In all my own internal power of “eternal faith”, a small thread is disappearing daily. Try as I may to ignore it, I am seeing it.
It is now time to muster up my strength and create a new way of living for myself. No one else need be involved really. It is the patterning of a new mindset. I truly believe this new focus and perspective of my life needs to be shaped. The eternal faith must survive. The external undermining must be eliminated.
It is inherent to my soul to know that each person I meet has a deep chemistry that forms their being. EVERY person has this. It is the human in us. This chemistry truly wants the best for us and mankind. I believe it as though it were a tiny molecule of their being. Absolutely nothing can alter this molecule.
With this knowledge, I now reshape my judgment of my life.
The Open and listening self remains. There now is an addendum to that open door. It begins with an awareness, somewhat Excitement of Awareness, just call it an awareness. It is the honing of a sense I have developed for 73 years. This sense is Trust. Actually, it is a two-part expression – Respect-Trust. It is most difficult to completely employ this term and still be aware of possible consequences. I will find a way to do that.
That I am even placing this in my vocabulary is a bit scary, yet I truly believe necessary.
You see, our population is morphing to employ acting into their being. The well-tuned and intelligent beings have taken their hidden talents to act, to heart. They have masked their true selves to the extent that we see them and not their ulterior motives. Their goodness is seen. The manipulating aspect lies quiet until it is massaged to fruition. Thus, it is difficult to see.
At this rate, it is only a small percentage of the population. Is it important to trace a history of why it even has come to pass? Other than the infiltration of a need for abundance, not sure it is important. Fear of course holds a huge stake. That’s an entirely other topic.
It is growing, and God is allowing it, obviously. I think He is also developing in us “original innocents” a capacity of screening that needs to be employed by all of us. We are the beginning germ and the planters of seeds. We must manifest this new screening, to preserve mankind.
The development of this new mind-set must not be done hastily. Awareness is the founding block. Insight is the twin. Perception holds them together. The three are truly the proving grounds for this new mindset. They employ now an umbrella approach to my original pure and open, trusting self. They shelter me, protect me, and make me look at others with new filters. My umbrella now employs years of wisdom and screening. At each interaction with another person, new filters are put into place, filters based upon those years of knowledge.
The open and accepting, curious and loving me now guardedly approaches life. I seek the innocence, openness of others, with a distinctive screen of critique. Layers of proof are now needed to accept others completely. That’s alright. Not many of us are true actors. My wisdom knows.
The equal hands – Respect/Trust (RT) and then Awareness/Insight/ Perception (AIP) as the umbrella, guide me now. Respect/Trust still are my core. Though each relationship will be judged by my experiences now, not blind faith. Eternal faith, yes. Blind, no.
September 29, 2018
By Jaclyn Miller Zoccoli
It does not happen often in our home, but when it does our entire family responds, including the cats and dog. “When mommy’s upset, we all are”. No truer words in our home. I do try to keep an even keel if I can, yet every once in awhile life rattles our cage. Something tells me, I am not alone in this type of situation.
I truly believe it all revolves around the “family rhythm”. That is probably the best approach. Our lives have a schedule that works for us. At a certain time, we do something. Even the pets are part of that schedule. Any member of the family can both cause adjustments by their movement out of sync, and absolutely every member is affected by the change. Heck, people create careers around change management. Why not our home?
That not so amazing answer now needs to be analyzed to see what we can do to minimize the damage. We are definitely “creatures of habit”. The answer in adjusting to the moving away from this systemic path, is seen in our knowledge of its existence, then our coping skills of understanding how to minimize it.
Since I am the “systematic being”, let’s see what we can do to correct the shift:
Seeing beneath the surface
by Jaclyn Miller Zoccoli
Great topic. As my day began today, it was so-so. I knew I had some wriggle room to be able to catch up, and with 2 appointments, not much else stood out. I had looked at my life, and hoped I could muster up an excitement. All that until we took our walk, Lil Bit and I.
I looked around me and truly saw my trees, grass, cement, warmth, for nearly the first time. I returned home to sit in my hammock. I saw the trees, all of God’s natural abundance, and realized several things.
Excellent question, Grasshopper (from the Kung fu series long ago). Awareness is a mysterious and precious thing. One we take for granted. One we can enlist totally, or one where only survival is our awareness. I truly believe that beneath our consciousness is a large river that controls our existence. It keeps us alive, safe, cognizant enough to live. Kinda like our autonomic nervous system. Though truly it is God.
Call “Him” what you wish, there is something controlling us. Face it, do you truly believe that from a single cell we sprouted into multi-faceted and complex machines? Really?
Let us assume we had a discussion with God about our path. Suppose before we even got here, we set up a contract on what our lives would be like. That was not about the experiences we would gather, instead the paths we would take and the accomplishments we would have. The experiences merely reinforce and create the paths. Of course, we were not allowed to know what we selected until we returned “home”.
This is my belief. Where Awareness fits into that is the plan also included a lot about our Awareness. When we build our character, Awareness is a huge part of that. It truly is the core of what happens next. It shapes how fast we meander through life. The Aware. . . see what is happening, understand the experience, glean from it opportunity. They see reasons and purpose. Their path is no less complex. They walk it with assurance that their steps are needed, recorded, and valuable.
Awareness implies an understanding, though I’m not sure it is true. I think Awareness is a “it’s not the good news, it’s not the bad news, it’s just the news” concept. Judgment can be in there, and I guess nearly always is, since naturally we have it. Though a reading of something is more like it. Similar to a wind in our faces. It is there, so what?
My part in this life is to add something more to Awareness. The Excitement of Awareness! It is who I am. Cognizant = Aware. When one gets excited about that awareness, good or bad, now we have a game changer. Now our senses are alerted, our experiences come forth, our judgment switches on, and we throw in emotion. Now there is a fingerprint on our soul. It is the beginning of the good or bad. It is the shot gun for the start of the race. The adrenaline kicks in. Miracles and death can occur. Uncovering that realm, those realms, is ME!
This seems to be the hardest for me. I always hope I am proceeding as God wishes. Inside I know I am, or I would not do what I do. It is a hard-fast-planned life. I do not know the plan, though I know that whatever I do is what God wants. It is a very reassuring feeling.
The struggle is to get enough of a vision to know which path to go on. I guess, just knowing I am traveling on my best foot, best judgment, highest intention is enough. Remembering to ask “What is the answer that respects my highest intention?” I think Patricia Munson always said that. Not sure. It truly makes it even easier when I think that way.
The other thought that makes it understood, is “how can I improve upon this situation?”. That is a good and positive one, that leads to pro-active and positive intentions. Slam Dunk!
I also realize often that as I struggle with a strategy or plan, that it is my way of understanding. It’s like trimming the path of weeds. It has to be done, you aren’t sure you like it, yet when it is trimmed, the results feel great. Like “that weed there”, “now I see the path” each plateau I encounter makes the path clearer. Then I look back to a clean path and realize that all that trimming made a difference. Those moments of elation are what I love.
So often I attend events begrudgingly. I beat myself up for going, until I get there. Once there, and I look back afterward, I see how meeting or seeing someone puts yet another piece in the puzzle. Had I given in to “want to be home with my husband” into the formula, I would have missed that person. Then we would have had to meet somewhere or somehow else. It is a detour.
I truly don’t want a lot more detours. Sure, I need to learn by seeing new scenery on the detour. That scenery just might brighten what I already know from somewhere else. Never know. I get to the place in my life that I think I deserve a more linear approach. Like shortest distance is a straight line, kind of thing. Guess all of that is up to God. Patience, Grasshopper, patience. . .
What is success, how is it defined?
by Jaclyn Miller Zoccoli
This is totally an individual interpretation. Each of us has goals, each unique. Thus, success starts as accomplishing goals. It might then progress to a defined terminology as a vision.
Acceptance. . .
by Jaclyn Miller Zoccoli
Reading about this today, it is interesting, and I think the core of our struggles. I base my philosophies on my examples. For, to do elsewise would cause judgment, and judgment is the opposite of forgiveness, thus no love.
Accepting that which has happened, is not always easy. The pain and agonies abounding our society cause us to act out of fear (False Experiences Appearing Real).
The experiences we witness are real to us as we see them. We may not like them.
Witnessing the situation is first. Acceptance comes second, that they truly exist. Third, can we forgive them, since we have no clue the situation? Fourth we apply love. Fifth, can we improve the situation? How can we improve on what experiences we see in our own reality? Their occurrence was placed there by God, for reasons unknown to us. Perhaps it was to have us respond. Perhaps it was a lesson for many. Might be a teachable moment for society. All it truly is, is a happening, in the evolution of our species.
v Accept the surroundings we know not of
v Improve upon it
In humor this morning, my husband announced the obvious. “They are advertising real meat, or real chicken, what does unreal look like?” It made me laugh and to think how often we say words that appear logical, yet when we compare to their opposite, do not. Here are some thoughts for your day:
There is a challenge today. Look at those around you, and see how many are real. How many come across as authentic, as being themselves, and as being sincere, open, curious, unafraid. You might be startled. Look also for our advertising hang-ups. How often are we asked to buy ‘real’? Then look at the opposite. Does it exist or are we being hyped to buy?
It is a sign of our times. The genuine, authentic, real deals are unique. Please celebrate them, bask in their simple beauty, and realize that man’s facsimiles do show his ingenuity, though what is gained?
June 21, 2018
Life is Good?
by Jaclyn Miller Zoccoli
How often we hear people say “Life is good”! We look around and think, “Gosh, theirs is, why not mine?” The lesson is in perspective, totally perspective. Let me explain and show how perspectives can change, depending on who you truly are.
With the Memorial Day weekend right next door, I take myself to so many places. As I do, I must realize this luxury is not free. So many people in our world are in constant pain, surrounded by threats to their existence, and generally unable to feel at all free. My luxury of freedom is many fold:
Of course, this is an individual answer, yet possibly more universal than I think. I could not tell you have many “complimentary” workshops, seminars, conferences, I’ve attended. All in the hopes of that golden nugget that would spark action within me.
Scores of people have invested many bucks into my appearance, in hopes I would be so attracted to their message and demeaner, that I couldn’t resist but be coached by them. Sorry ya. . . I am a past, present and future master of the all mighty “NO”. Is that why no action?
OK, be fair here. I don’t ever relax quietly in front of any technology, doing nothing. Night time, TV, a different story. During work hours, never. So, action is what I do, always. I guess the quality of that action is the meaningful part. Let’s look at that:
I am realizing that in one day, I collect enough “food for thought” to feed a struggling third world country. That it is not life sustaining, is a shame. That it is MY life sustainability, a joy. All that said, is there a formula or system to expedite that which is essential from the minutia that clogs my brain?
Some of the realities of this concept are worth noting, perhaps leading to a formula:
What a logical system would look like is:
Dump: – at least once a week, if not daily – Dump on paper ALL that needs to be done. I use Google Calendar/Tasks
Look at the list, what is urgent? What is by the end of the day, week? What will get me where I want to go? Are any just busy work that lead to zero?
Beside all of those making the cut, write the time to complete. Here I mess up; how to get it right.
Print a calendar of my schedule from online calendar (Google is great); same as my phone.
Then print the action items from my calendar task list that I wrote down.
Number in urgency – the list. Place urgent in time slots open. Not urgent – days away.
Guess I’m more organized than I thought! This work for you? Hope so. Minutia be gone!
How simple it is to commit to a daily regime, as though stacking the odds against negativity. We seek even our own commonalities. When we are allowed to consistently do the same things, we feel safe. Routine rules.
Each of us claims this personal realm as a place to feel at home. When that routine can be, there is comfort. How simple to acquire good feelings. One might question why we ever escape from here? Some do not.
One must realize that there are those who are very content to live in complacency as though it is their destiny. They desire nothing more.
Others think of routine as a safe launching pad to ignite curiosity, then questions, then learning, then growth through actions. Their happiness is when thoughts, words, and actions harmonize.
I suppose there is yet a third category. It is those secure in routine, only because it is the only control they have. Yet they are unsettled and frustrated, not knowing the right questions to ask of themselves to get their answers. They are not even aware that they have the answers. They live in anxiety, in anticipation of what’s next.
This personal game is determined by heredity, present environment, and probably motivating factors. The most ambitious conclusion is that if we wish to be something we are not now, the choice is all ours. Of the three categories, all can change instantly, when we envision a future we wish to occupy. Our mindset of us doing, being, fulfilling, guides us, when we listen.
It does take accountability to our gut. What do we love? What do we do well? What is our service to others, that we do well, and love? Do you know? How strongly do you feel about your answers? Strong enough to battle complacency? Whose life is it anyway? Days. . . how many are left in our bank account of days? What “if only” or “buts” are holding you captive?
The Excitement of Awareness -
Self-esteem, love of a God in control of ourselves/destiny, and a reality of manifesting the vision we see for ourselves, all pull us out of complacency. Create the vision, know your strengths and gifts, and realize it is your purpose to be your best you. Nothing, absolutely nothing more is expected of you. Nothing except now the dedicated action that only you can perform.
The battle of complacency . . . the winner is YOU!
I look upon my life at any moment, trying to figure out the rhyme and reason for what happens. Most times I fall short, and do not get the whole picture until much later. I think the miracle of the happenings in the first place is worth noting.
It is totally based upon wonder. That is the category I place upon the ultimate organization and management of what we call life. Wonder is a word that shows curiosity, it includes total respect, and it eludes to magic. It is really a place, an attitude, a state of being, where we are eager to learn. Perhaps we can call it the ultimate tool of mankind. Yes, it is.
Wonder implies an openness, an eagerness to learn. It mostly has guarded judgment. At the pinnacle of wonder, we are not judging. After we see, understand at whatever level we employ, then judgment comes into effect.
And yet, it brings forth to the front all we know. It collects our every experience to decipher what is happening. Reasoning and logic guide the path of the experiences. Understanding is right up front to make sense of the wonder.
When we incorporate wonder into our lives, at whatever level feels right, we open ourselves up to growth. He who does not wonder, fails to grow, and stands stagnant in life. Yes, you can quote me. ?
Children spend most of their childhood in wonder; for there is so much to learn. I do not know the age when wonder pales. When is it when we set it aside and don’t call upon it? Could we say when we get settled into a job or pattern in adult life? Then, and only then, do we bring out the wonder only when we are tired of life as it is. For you see, wonder elicits a “what if” factor. This set of words is precious, and the germ to openness, creativity, growth and new beginnings.
Wonder has two parts to it. One part is the curious about something. The second is desiring to bring about something totally new. It is with the second one that we add the “what if”.
Would it not be amazing if we spent more time in wonder, in the pure unbiased curiosity of it? Would be great if we stayed there for a while. Wonder. . . like a thirst for answers. . .if each new wonder bore a curiosity to explore more . . . would that not be “wonder. . .ful”? Yes, full of wonder.
Instead we allow wonder, add judgment, resolve answers, employ actions. Not sure it’s possible not to do that sequence. It is human nature to try to understand then to put a feeling, a label, a significance to it, then to act based on the learnings. Is it possible to just be in wonder, without all the rest?
I leave with a commitment, and a quote from Gerry Spence. “I prefer to be open to wonder, rather than closed by belief.”
I and many of my friends are perfectionists. What that means is that routines, the way things are done, timing in general, all have to be done by what we are used to. Heaven forbid if there’s an early meeting, and the routine is broken. What if someone talks way too long, and the usual email cleanup doesn’t get done? Worst yet, if several days are in the loop, like a conference, do we ever get caught up or feel that we are there?
That is a perfectionist’s nightmare. Does this resonate? Does with me!
1. I can let it set my entire day eschew, causing the domino effect of everything not fitting. This is not desirable.
2. I flip it! This requires two things – an awareness of what is mandatory to get done today, and about 10 minutes to create a trip in my mind that will readjust the present chaos.
Solution for choice 2 –
0. Look at the “to do” list in whatever form it’s in . . . on paper or in the computer.
0. Circle only 2 of the things that are “life or death” due today.
0. Now look at the rest of the day in time slots, hourly.
0. Beside the 2 that have to get done, write shortest time possible to do them.
0. Then place each into remaining time in the day.
0. Before beginning to start the first – take the 10-minute trip
In a quiet place, without ANY interruption -
Close your eyes.
Take a deep breath. Exhale. Do that about 4 times.
Now in your mind, place yourself in a place you love (forest, field of spring flowers, stream, ocean, etc.).
Spend 10 minutes (user a timer), exploring all that is there – feeling, smelling, tasting, visuals in color. It’s what I call “wallowing”, being enveloped by it.
0. Slowly return. You have now cleared your mind, and realize you can escape nearly any time you wish. Teach your kids/grandkids this 10-minute reset. It is amazing.
0. Now get to work. Deep breathes at least once an hour, and a stretch, phone OFF, emails out of sight!
The only thing we can control is our minds. Take control. . . flip it!
Another day of the week, filled with phones to answers, connections to make, and emails to sort. One day leads to the next, and after a week of selective chaos, what is accomplished? This is a wakeup call to a business owner, like me, who is not truly paying attention.
Just today, as I wallowed in the 650 emails, I began to ask myself, what am I missing? What I’m missing is the thousands I know all around me (how many in your database?). They flit on by, some repeating the same “happy birthday”, that I appreciate of course. Yet, when I received over 80 such facebook comments, I realized I have been doing such a dis-service to so many.
If I were to really look at my database for alliances, I’ll bet I would craft out a totally more profitable life. I, the one who preaches same, needs to look too. Who is out there? More important, who is out there yet hidden in the costume of “friend”, “high school whatever”, “coach”, “electrician”, you get the drift? I’ll bet if I focused instead on the people who SEE my target audience (business people), and worked intimately with them, I would be more Word of Mouth. I know it for a fact!
· Identify your target audience:
Business owner, home/family, women, health, entertainment, or baby boomer.
· WHO targets your audience too?
· Go into your database and find them. Hopefully you have a database categorized by what they do. If you don’t – see me!
· Now you and I will establish a strategy on how to align with these people who will find you “remarkable” and tell their world (your target audience) how remarkable you are. . . Word of Mouth.
· Look Around! Who are you missing?
Valentine’s Day is upon me. I begin to appreciate all that I love. As I meandered through my long list, it occurred to me that my love of business was not there. This provocative thought, inspires this article.
My business is me, daily. Every waking moment I am my business. There truly is no separation. Of course my personal time with family and friends appears to be completely devoid of business. Yet, since my business is connecting people, seeing the commonalities in the people I meet, and absorbing their talents and needs. . . I do it always. I am never aside from those thoughts.
I was discussing guinea pigs with a business associate. She raises them and essentially, they are her children. She is obsessed with them and a fanatic about their love and care, as her children would be to her. As she explained her involvement with the 4H, and getting kids into stewardship and community care, I began to automatically reach within me for answers. I offered her thoughts on ways to get to 4H, to get to children, and to do more in the community. She looked at me and said, “your mind is amazing. Do you ever NOT connect people and resources?” I said “no”. It is my existence here in God’s world.
I look at my life, when I am not “in business”, and find the above very true. Life is a constant building of relationships. It might be my place in the life of the tree in my back yard. It certainly is in the constant attention I give my pets. Relationships are my life. Commonality Quest is truly what I am all about. Commonalities are the cornerstone of relationships, they provide a love of sorts. When people can relate to each other, and share things (any things), a closeness begins. The more commonalities, the stronger the bond. Thus, my business is whomever, whatever, I interface with.
My questions to you are . . .
· Do you truly see your own life via the commonalities you explore, as I do? Am I alone here?
· When you relate to people, do you try to uncover commonalities, or do you merely respond, react, and move on?
· What would life be like if every time you talked to or met someone, you based your conversation on finding, enjoying, expressing your commonalities?
My guess is it might indeed change your outlook.
· Is my Commonality Quest what makes me. . . me? I think so.
· Could more business be transacted when we come from Commonality Quest? YES!
Try it, you might like it. My love of business is my love of my fellow man, and my desire to bring more into their lives via commonalities. As I do, my soul purpose is to create the Excitement of Awareness. Did you get it?
A brand new approach to the NOW. . .
This is totally inspiring. I have to admit, actually even enlightening. Get ahold of this concept –
Back to controlling our emotions –
Gratitude for the NOW, brings on emotions, feelings of joy and happiness, all the good that we want. When we
are grateful for all around us NOW, we are not living in the past or future. We are right here. In fact, we are at peace!
Living Your Purpose
Darren Hardy puts it so elequently and why we are here. Are you up to the challenge? Start your Eulogy:
No matter what religion you practice, or culture you came from, if you live in the United States, you observe holidays in December. I am constantly amazed by how we all have been so programed to such a pattern, based on religion. Don’t tell me that business and religions are separate. No matter what business you are in, December slowness affects you.
How can we economize on this lull, since it is mandatory? Realize that it tends to be a rush then a lull. Everyone is closing out their year, business and personal. That too plays into the scenario. So we hurry to economize on time, so we can slow to a crawl right before New Years. Economizing depends upon the business I guess. Some find this time their peak (retail).
If one were to philosophize, here’s how it would go.
Noticing a pattern is key here. Ah, ha the “Excitement of Awareness” (my favorite look at life). How can this “rush to lull” be taken advantage of? Since people literally do not function between Christmas and New Years, accept it, look forward to it, and make it WORK for you.
Personally, I enjoy the forced vacation. I look forward to cleaning up my office and life, envisioning new projects, even writing books. Since I have yet to program in a real vacation for years now, this mandatory lull is truly beautiful. In fact, this year I am forcing myself to literally not allow any calls or lunches or activities at all. Instead it is me and planning time. Such a luxury.
What are you doing with this forced lull? Pamper? Play? Plan? Imagine the feeling of being ready for 2018. Feel the clean around the keyboard. Rest knee deep in the mindset that you are READY! Such luxury.
Happy New Year!
Darren Hardy hits it right on the head. Look out 2018 - Expectation Leads to Manifestation! click here
Go To Solution
by Jaclyn Miller Zoccoli
Enjoy Darren Daily on "The Chase"; it is so all about my new workshop series "Create A better Ending"
© By Jaclyn Miller Zoccoli
A reoccurring theme has been buzzing around in my head lately about the whys and why nots of taking time for myself. It has yet to settle in one specific spot in my soul, and continues to dust off memories and buttons created from my childhood. As it flits around, I am learning what really is important.
Starting from day one, it was all about me. The only girl, idolized by my mom and dad, life was special for me. My brother, 8 years my senior, (to the day), didn’t really count. Well, he did, though he never really knew it. That’s an entirely different story. Life was me.
As I grew, I was taught that little girls could do nearly anything they wanted, and to be whomever they wanted to be, as long as it was a nurse, teacher, mother, wife and maybe a few others. We didn’t know of too many other professions, really. So I was programmed to go to college (thank heavens), become a teacher, get married, have a boy and a girl, live in a house with a picket fence, and live happily ever after. Don’t get me wrong, the picture looked good, it was a decent way to live. It was missing a whole lot of stuff that I discovered many years later.
I followed the game, strayed a bit at first and eventually broke the mold. The college went well, the marriage went well, then we (my first husband and I) escaped to Liberia, West Africa, with the Peace Corps. At that time President John F. Kennedy told all of us “It’s not what your country can do for you. It’s what you can do for your country.” Done. Was that ever a great choice? Oh my. We learned volumes on other cultures, minimizing our own needs, and giving of self. Sure we learned more than that, see future book.
Back to the mold. When we returned to the US, we hopped back on the track to be teachers. We had two kids (2 boys, not a boy and girl. . .) and the picture began to blur. A divorce occurred, then a new marriage, then a shifting of the entire picture. The thread that remained with my life was the “do for others, before yourself, you do not need time for you”. My mother did that in spades. As a single mom (my dad died when I was 6), she took on all roles. I seldom saw her allowing herself pamper time. From this my image of the perfect mother grew.
In a second marriage, filled with love and now 4 kids (his 2, my 2), I took on new responsibilities. Though the 2 extra kids were only on the weekend, they still required a lot of me. Luckily my husband believed in pampering me. So actually for the first time, the reality that I needed to take time for me began to grow. It was a small seed at first and off and on got covered up by dirt, though it was always there. It was my husband’s insistence on my pampering that I guess started my trend of thought for the article.
Many, many women are taught to be “doers”. They are dished tasks, responsibilities, roles that make them the one who accomplishes everything of value in the home relationship. Give up the time, the needs, the perks, all so it gets done and the kids and family are happy. That’s the usual mode of operation many women take on. We are the “super women” of the century. We are the organizers, the errand girls, the bakers, the love makers. It needs to get done, we do it. Why? It makes life so much easier to live with when it’s on our terms. Our terms? Maybe. However, I see a little pocket that is covered by dirt. It’s under the ground. It is filled to the brim with “what about my needs?” Many of us never show the world this pocket. We feel ashamed to let others know we have needs. That is until you get more than two women together who compare notes. Then you get one who says “What the heck?” “We lost ourselves in here.”.
Enter the 21st century. Color it technical. Computers and phones seem to run just about everything. The instant gratification for nearly every generation, is what now rules. Does the role of the woman, wife, mother, change? Possibly not. She just has more tools to get things done. However, she is now attached at the hip to demands. Oh my gosh. When she was able to actually listen to the radio or a CD while driving, she now has hands-free calls bombarding her as she drives. The car used to be a place for peace and quiet where, if desired, you could take in a good book on CD, and actually look at the roses as they whished by. Though you are able to find your way without maps (GPS), the environment seems to crowd you even more. All of this is of course, if you let it.
Women are different. So many are beginning to see themselves for the first time. Though their role models are a bit foggy, they are beginning to see that what they want for their lives is attainable more now than ever before in our society. The careers are as varied as the imagination. The resources are literally at their finger tips. The creative ones can literally make whatever income they desire by tapping into the needs of others. It is an amazing time to be alive.
Who’s First Anyway???
For the first-time women are learning how they can become what and who they want to be. They are learning that dreams can be fulfilled, their dreams, not the ones others had placed upon them. For the first-time women are realizing that they must readjust to what they want. No one really asked them before. It is a challenging time now. What do they want? Who do they look up to? Women never had the choices we have today. Is it the career woman, the movie star, the entrepreneur, or the ever-assertive employee they aspire to? Who is that mentor? What do they want? This is really the “Identity Explosion”.
I see growth sprouting out, like the wings of a butterfly. We have not chronicled this phase in our history before. I really don’t know how women will adapt to their new-found liberty. There are some things I do know.
© By Jaclyn Miller Zoccoli
Reality exists where one lives. We are what we think. Sounds rather remote, though it’s true. The mind really creates who you are. Therefore, to become the chosen one for a job, one must construct a reality that fits their unique self and then promote it to the max. In today’s job market this is the core of the challenge everyone has. There are way too many people qualified for few jobs, and only the creative, the persistent, will get the job. Getting there is the boot camp. Both survival and life’s career path are involved here. The questions are: how to promote your uniqueness so it’s desirable, and where to find the ideal job, and how to balance your life around your decisions.
What are your attributes that make you unique and desirable? Sit in a quiet room with no distractions, pen and paper are in hand. Quickly, without much thought, write down at least 8 things you love to do. Use business and pleasure topics, concentrating more on business. Do not critique, just brainstorm. On page two, do the same things with what you DON’T want in a job. It might be hours, location, physical labor, working conditions, environmental surroundings. Now look at these two lists. Somewhere in there is a thread. It leads in and out and truly shows what you are very good at. Seldom do we say we love something without some skills in it.
Pull out the thread from the two lists and look at the working environment. What jobs involve the most of what you love? Try putting a field into the search engine url and a location, and see what comes up. You might be surprised. When you see places you’d like to work, further research them. Learn all about what their employees go through, pay ranges, hiring needs, and then begin the campaign. Continue to look for similar businesses. Call for possible internships or part time work to see if this is where you want to be. Be open minded and think beyond the borders. This baby step might just place you in the best place at the right time. At least it’s what you love.
Start the quest for that new career or job. Become consumed in feeling what it would feel like to be working at the company you want. Envision the getting up, lunch hours, feeling of being appreciated. Try on the entire experience in your mind. Throw out the positive vibes to tell the universe this is what you will have. Be very open to what you get in return, what the world is saying about your choice. This will guide you as will your gut.
The journey has begun. Now build in the rest of your life. When do you sit alone and reflect on your desires and peaceful thoughts? When do you become consumed with being with family? When do you share with friends to let them know what you want so you can bring it to you? Balance is critical. It will round the corners on this irregular shaped entity, called you.
As you prepare for the new you, realize that you will only be hired when you are happy with this new package. Being happy means knowing you know more than they do in your expertise. You must have full confidence in yourself and show it. It’s in having the clothes to look your best and feel the professional person you want to be.
No one says the journey is easy. There are pitfalls that society has never had before. You are a pioneer in this area, and you have the skills to find the best job for you. Do not allow the pressure of finding a job ever guide you in any way. Pressure results in poor decisions and painful results. You must totally pack up those negative threads and lock them up away from your mind. Instead envision yourself as the best person for the job, feel it, smile and show it. You know you are, so too will they.
© By Jaclyn Miller Zoccoli, November 2017
Life appears to be taking a turn into a zone that many of us have never known. Usually there’s someone or something to go to as an example on what to do to get ahead. Since society has never been here before, with business icons being toppled, things we consider basic living (jobs), it is a real learning experience. What I’ve found is that peace and contentment go to the creative who can compartmentalize their lives.
Compartmentalizing means to focus to the maximum. It’s not allowing anything else in your world or view. The way I look at it, if I get so intent upon my work or a project, I have no time to worry about my next dime or what the future holds. The mind is only able to concentrate on one thing at a time anyway.
It is so common to multitask. The American society does it well. Sometimes physically and mentally we can hold onto thoughts and objects all at once. Some of us do so while thinking and worrying about the future. That preoccupation with worry and with not having control can overpower people. It often can cloud judgment, and definitely minimizes the essence and beauty of the moment. Think how terrible it would be to never live in the moment, to always be either in the past or future. That’s such a sad way to live. To always be somewhere else is really not a life, is it? It’s pretty obvious why so many people are depressed. Reliving the past and then pushing it to occupy the present and fearing it will be the future, oh my gosh. Nothing at all can change the past. No one knows what is in the future, so really the entire thing is without any merit at all. No control, no positive reconciling, just negative preoccupation. What a waste.
Let’s look at the converse. If one is in the moment, no thoughts of the past or concerns of the future, and knowing God has control anyway, we don’t, how simple. No stuff cluttering our minds, free and easy, only total focus on the moment, how peaceful. Giving up the responsibility of trying to drag along the past and creating the future in your mind, has to get rid of a lot of weight. Accepting the knowledge that the only thing we can control is our thoughts and actions, not the past, not the future, really does free us to enjoy the moment and the people around us. How uplifting.
So, compartmentalizing is a big word for focus. It is possible with a lot of practice. It truly frees up your life. It provides purity of the moment. It’s like giving your all to each moment instead of a partial you. It actually may add days to your life. Stress comes from worry, diseases occur because of it too. Less stress means a healthier body. A healthier body lives longer. The only concern is to not focus to the degree that one can’t function in society, nor be aware of the surroundings. Tunnel vision is good if one is aware of one’s environment. When the world only revolves around you, there is danger too. We all need to relate and be respectful of each other. Focus and awareness hand in hand, create a happier life. It’s a balancing act actually. No person is an island, we all depend on others for our food, clothes, everything in our lives. We need to relate to each other and other’s needs. When focus includes that relationship then compartmentalizing has been created for the good of all.
Each new day brings challenges that many of us had no clue we’d have. This society also brings answers we never had before, answers and new ways of receiving them. We have built into our lives new ways to explore (the internet) and new businesses revolve around assisting others. All this need not cost a fortune. So, if there’s any better time to have to fight these new challenges, I don’t know when it would be. It surely has never existed before.
Another thing to consider is the strength of alliances. We mentioned that none of us is alone. So true, so true. With each struggle, hundreds of others also struggle. So, there’s a really good chance that someone has found an answer to your challenge already. By creating alliances with business people, we search the answers together. We explode our chances for solutions, and we again lessen the worry and the stress. The bond of friendship is golden in business and personal life. Working as a team member needs to be understood. Look for my white paper on the things to consider in alliances before even beginning.
Survival of the fittest is possibly the foundation of life. The fittest are smart enough to know that:
So, where are you spending your time? This is not a dress rehearsal. It is the final performance. We only get one act. No one is coming out of this alive for another round. Don’t you owe it to yourself to perform this round to its fullest? You only have so many minutes here. Focusing on now allows you to know you have lived your life, not merely been witness to it. It isn’t a spectator sport.
Following Up Weekly
Darren Hardy hit it on the head about follow-up and keeping in touch with contacts. Please enjoy his suggestion for the day. It is awesome!
by Jaclyn Miller Zoccoli
© October 2017
Scores of stories can be told of amazing alliances that created fortunes for businesses. The dollar amounts would stagger even the most experienced. The advantages are sometimes obvious, most times subtle. What is NOT mentioned are the alliances that turned out detrimental to businesses. Sometimes this interaction caused the closing of the businesses, at least there was a loss of time and lots of money. How does one avoid the Alliance Trap?
Far too often two business people meet at a mixer, or other social event, find common interest and focus, schedule a future meeting over coffee, then once they meet again they get a real high over possible outcomes. I know that rush really well. It appears that the targeted customer base is common. Both businesses do compliment each other, so why wouldn’t an alliance really work? Getting the “come on”, the “flirtatious enticement” is exciting. It is almost addictive. Trust me, I know. As a Networking Coach, it really feels good. Experience shows that the “high” is just that. A one-time rush. When the actual alliance workings begin, the hard work is needed, the commitment is required, does the other party do their part?
“Alliances are much like Thomas Edison’s definition of an invention: 1 percent inspiration and 99 percent perspiration”. John L. Forbis and James A. Finnegan had it right in their article “Alliances for Competitive Advantage: Why, When, and How”. So, if it’s that hard, and you never know if the other person is going to do their part, what do you do to assure success?
First off, review the Criteria for a Successful Team Member:
• Are they open minded about sharing and exploring?
• What past history have they had with alliances? Has it been good or has it been bad?
• How willing are they to do their fair share?
• Do they understand the Quality Contact concept? By that I mean, do they realize the value of
aligning with people who see their customers?
• Is their customer base worth it?
• What repore do they have with their contacts and customers - perhaps they’re a liability. Customer Service is critical.
• Will they represent you well as a sales team member?
• Do you feel comfortable recommending them? Why or why not?
• Will they work at promoting you?
• Are they available? Is there good chemistry? All very important. Pay attention.
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San Tan Valley,
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I had the occasion to hire Jacque to assist in my networking abilities. Within minutes of starting, she was offering me resources to contact. Each contact has turned out to further my business and the work I am doing with veterans. I cannot recommend Jacque enough. She is direct, right to the point, and gets to the heart of the matter with her tremendous wealth of information and networking contacts. Carolyn CJ Jones, writer and speaker